Good Mourning

Do do do
Do do do
Do do do do do do dooooooo (4 times)

Good morning silence
Good morning to myself

Good morning to the pain in the center of my chest

It's crazy how much I miss
a simple good morning kiss
oh ohhhhh~

Good mourning independence or is it loneliness?
I know I said I wanted this but I have regrets

I pray for God's will to be done
The very next day you were gone
Oh Ohhhhhh

Good mourning to the harsh realities of life
and good mourning to the fact we're not husband and wife

We made a promise to stay
But destiny got in the way
oh ohhhhhhhh

Good mourning~~~~

Good morning acceptance
Good morning inner strength
I'm loving every moment
even the strain

It's crazy how much I miss
a simple good morning kiss
It's crazy how much I've missed
Now it's time for me to live
oh ohhhhhhhhhh

Good mourning~~~~

Good morning optimism
Good morning to my faith
Good morning to the beginning of a brand new day

I know that God's will, will be done
So I lay down my pain and I'm moving on

I know that God's will, will be done.
So it's a good morning after all

Real Change

So its been a while since i have been online and on this blog so i decided to write about what is going on.

I have come to the conclusion TODAY that i need to start caring about me. I am very sick in the head right now in regards to depression, and other feelings that i need to try to get over. I love John with all my heart, but today i have realized that i don't want him in my life right now. Its more complicating with him around. He is the man of my dreams but if i want the man of my dreams to come back to me i have to have to let him go and work on me. If its gods way for us to end up back together in the future so be it. I will always love John in my heart and will never forget my first real and true love.

I have never truly loved myself till this moment right now. There is this movie called THE WOMAN its the most inspirational movie i have ever seen. From the Additional Scenes to the motion picture to the behind the scenes. This movie is about woman empowerment and confidence and the real beauty of a woman. I have never really felt pretty and when i just simply put on bomb looking jeans, a pair of heels, and a sexy sleek shirt i am the most confident woman there is. I want to start not caring what other people think of me because to me I'm all that matters. I am such a beautiful unique person. For the first time i am actually smiling knowing that if i read this specific entry everyday i know that i will succeed and be who i want to be. I want to be the BEST Sales Assistant and maybe get promoted to something like Assistant Manager lol.....and do makeup and hair on the side and actually get my calling from there. Textlinkbrokers.com is not just a job, its my career of choice and soon hair and makeup will be too.

I don't need a man to make me feel beautiful i need me to make me feel beautiful. Last night Deniece (my co worker and friend) went out to celebrate a coworkers birthday and so we went to a bar called "The Draft" let me tell you when i first walked in i was shy and felt so out of place it was unreal. Deniece and i had a couple guys talk to us, and i was the conversation of tattoos. lol. If that is what makes me beautiful that is a GREAT first step. lol. I realized that yes I'm chubby right now and dont look quite like how i wanted to look but other people see me as beautiful. Deniece and i will start to go out more which i am really excited. I am going to start not to think about John cause when i do i get anxiety. The world is waiting to be discovered and i am not going to let him or anyone else hold me back including myself.


I will end this entry with the following question:

What is REAL BEAUTY?

AMAZING

To John & Friends

Hello John,

Quit listening to your friends and just read my blog. I am sick of people calling you and giving you there view of what my blog says. You know how i really am so read it. Its not dramatic...i am going through a separation..what do you want me to do. Send you flowers and a card...NO i need to write it out. If you don't like it deal with it.

Sorry to those of you who don't know what is going on, I received a call from John saying his "Friends" give him updates on my blog, and im like i don't care about your friends, this blog is for me to heal.

To those of you that are calling john...GIVE IT UP. Seriously, get a life this is my healing process not yours. Go take from John since that is what all his friends do.

Sorry to be so harsh but obviously i have to spell it out for those that are calling him telling him how dramatic i am or how rude these are.

Difficult yet Easier

well today was quite interesting, as i woke up incredibly sore from jazzercise and depressed cause i was missing my husband. I miss his companionship and friendship. I miss his attitude and humor. I am depressed for the fact that i sit at home alone with out the fact of knowing that john will be walking in the door any minute. John seems to have his own life right now and his own issues and i have mine. I am learning how to become more independent with my puppy. I am learning what i like and dislike.

I received my Birthday gift from Johns Mom and I LOVE IT. its in regards to my favorite artist. Her work is morbid yet beautiful. Her name is Tera McPherson - . Her heart work i feel expresses the thoughts that i am going through.

There is another person in my life who is continually supporting me in my life and that is Jenny Stradling. She is my sister-in-law, friend, and boss. She gave me the motivation to be able to move on and get myself back. She is a continued reminder that i can do it on my own and that i don't need anyone to be with me. She is teaching me to explore the world and find out what TASHA WANTS. I thank Jenny for her kind heart and her willing to help others.