Sunday, January 18, 2009

Real Change

So its been a while since i have been online and on this blog so i decided to write about what is going on.

I have come to the conclusion TODAY that i need to start caring about me. I am very sick in the head right now in regards to depression, and other feelings that i need to try to get over. I love John with all my heart, but today i have realized that i don't want him in my life right now. Its more complicating with him around. He is the man of my dreams but if i want the man of my dreams to come back to me i have to have to let him go and work on me. If its gods way for us to end up back together in the future so be it. I will always love John in my heart and will never forget my first real and true love.

I have never truly loved myself till this moment right now. There is this movie called THE WOMAN its the most inspirational movie i have ever seen. From the Additional Scenes to the motion picture to the behind the scenes. This movie is about woman empowerment and confidence and the real beauty of a woman. I have never really felt pretty and when i just simply put on bomb looking jeans, a pair of heels, and a sexy sleek shirt i am the most confident woman there is. I want to start not caring what other people think of me because to me I'm all that matters. I am such a beautiful unique person. For the first time i am actually smiling knowing that if i read this specific entry everyday i know that i will succeed and be who i want to be. I want to be the BEST Sales Assistant and maybe get promoted to something like Assistant Manager lol.....and do makeup and hair on the side and actually get my calling from there. is not just a job, its my career of choice and soon hair and makeup will be too.

I don't need a man to make me feel beautiful i need me to make me feel beautiful. Last night Deniece (my co worker and friend) went out to celebrate a coworkers birthday and so we went to a bar called "The Draft" let me tell you when i first walked in i was shy and felt so out of place it was unreal. Deniece and i had a couple guys talk to us, and i was the conversation of tattoos. lol. If that is what makes me beautiful that is a GREAT first step. lol. I realized that yes I'm chubby right now and dont look quite like how i wanted to look but other people see me as beautiful. Deniece and i will start to go out more which i am really excited. I am going to start not to think about John cause when i do i get anxiety. The world is waiting to be discovered and i am not going to let him or anyone else hold me back including myself.

I will end this entry with the following question:



mom said...

good girl! this is a great blog to read everyday...and i want you to believe in are a wonderful person...its all inside...:)

NikNik said...

Great Beauty - is what you create, maintain and keeps you inspired with in your self. No one can plant it, no one can create it for you, no one can maintain it for you, and best of all NO ONE can tell you it is right or wrong...except for Y...O....U!!!!

Liz said...

I know exactly what you mean. Just keep taking steps daily towards your goals and everything will fall into place. Just remember, life is always something you will have to work at, and make things happen for yourself!