Well I accidently forgot to blog yesterday…yikes.
Yesterday was a great day, I found out some amazing news from my father…which I will blog about when I am comfortable with it. UMMMMM I have recently started talking to Johns’ ex wife, Nikki, who at first to be honest we didn’t really get along. With where I am in life now, I can see why we never got along lol. I have started to talk to her, without worrying about what certain people may think. Nikki has totally helped me in healing myself. I do thank her very much for comforting me with the hard time that I am going through right now.
Seperating from the man I love is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. But I had come to realize after speaking with nikki that I was not living life for me but for him. I loved everything about him, and wanted to make him happy no matter what it did to me. This is not Johns fault but mine. I am coming to realize after living alone these past few days that I do like “My Time”. I miss the comfort of John, I miss the thought of knowing he is coming home to me, but what about ME??? There are so many things I want to do that I have never pursued. I have my own set of rules in my home. That is fun. I can swim when I want. I can do whatever I want and it will only affect ME. That is crazy yet powerful.
I am trying to really change my thought process. I have so many people supporting me, my co workers, friends, and family. This is not the easiest time of my life, but a great time to grow into who I really am.
Another Huge person who is helping step by step is my mother. She is the most amazing woman. I go to her cause she knows exactly what I am going through. Its funny, everything that she has told me that was going to happen so don’t do…..I DO AND AGAIN SHE IS RIGHT. Lol. Yes momma you are always right. But if you know me you will know that I have to try it out my way. Lol.